I was married once, but not now. We were so young. I was still a teenager. We had fallen in love. When we started out, we had no way of knowing what lay ahead but like the traditional wedding vows say, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part”.  It was all of that. It was great.

Like I said, we were young. We grew up together. Day by day we just did the next thing and the next thing, until, before we knew it, we were grandparents. Not only did we grow up, but our boys did too and have given us blessing after blessing.

Somewhere along the way, just as God said it would, something amazing happened. Two individuals had become one. The “becoming one” bond grew stronger with each “better and worse,” each “richer and poorer,” and each “sickness and health.”

Forty-two years of knowing someone loved me, trusted me, encouraged me, disagreed with me, endured hardships with me, celebrated successes with me.  Forty-two years that I didn’t have to wonder who I would sit by at church, go out to eat with, or sit at home and watch TV with.  I didn’t wonder because I knew he would always be there for me, and I would always be there for him. God’s plan at its finest.

Then came the “till death do us part” part.  Danny took his last breath and it was all over.  We were one, but now it’s just me. What am I now? Half of one? That’s what it feels like.  How can I describe half of myself being taken away? Lonely isn’t the right word.    I have an abundance of family and friends who support me. Not lonely, but alone.  Sometimes we don’t really know what we have until it’s gone.  I will admit and I’m confident he would too that we took it for granted.  We had been together for so long that we had no concept of “alone”.

What now?  How does someone move on?  Paul offers the answer in Philippians 4:11-18 — “ Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  

I write all this to sort out my feelings on the day that would have been our forty-third wedding anniversary. A day to mourn the loss of the bond that God joined together on August 26, 1981. A day to remember the good times.  A day to consider the future and how to begin to feel whole again.  A day to be content, trusting Jesus to sustain me because as Danny always said, “Jesus is our only hope.”

“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24

^“But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’  ‘For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Mark 10:6-9

“A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.  But she is happier if she remains as she is, according to my judgment—and I think I also have the Spirit of God.”  1 Corinthians 7:39-40